You Might Think I'm Crazy

This is the first part of a series on Carl, age 72, referred to Hospice because of lymphoma. He and his wife, Mary, raised their family on a farm in Otway, Ohio and moved to their apartment in West Union about two years ago. Carl is the type of fellow who makes you feel at home right away. He loves people and loves to talk. And he surely loves to praise God and tell of His providence! As soon as he began the following story I knew a series was in the making:

“I was in Grant hospital for open heart surgery in 1987. My roommate was only in his 40’s and was in for a pacemaker. We were only together over night. He was a real nice guy. He got to talk’n with me and I asked him where he lived. I asked him if he had a family. He said he was divorced or separated, I can’t remember which. But he had two kids. He was scared to death about his pacemaker surgery. That’s how I knew he wasn’t a Christian. I asked him if he went to church and he said, “I can’t say that I do. I used to be a Christian.” He said he fell away. I told him, “God will take you right back but it’s up to you.” I think I scared him worse when I asked him if he was ready.

I told him I’d be going to another room after my surgery and that I probably wouldn’t see him again. I told him, “You quit your worrying. They’ll take care of you.” Then it just came to me. It dawned on me all at once. I felt kind of silly but I told him, “You might think I’m crazy but the Lord told me He wants you to pray for me. Will you do that for me?” He told me, “I’m not a Christian but I’ll do anything I can to help you. I really don’t know how to pray but I’ll do my best.” I told him, “It’ll come back to you.” I asked him to bow down next to my bed and pray for me after I was gone to surgery.

He found me the next day and told me, “I did exactly what you asked me to do and when I was praying a feeling came over me. It was like a blanket came over me. I just lost myself. I was so happy I didn't know what to do with myself. I looked up from the bed to the window and there was a rainbow in the sky.” He was so excited that when he was walking down the hallway a nurse stopped him and asked if she could help him. He told her, “Something good just happened to me” and told her the whole story. She told him, ‘I could tell by your face that it had to be something good. You got saved and the rainbow is a sign for you.’ A few weeks later we saw each other in the doctor’s office. He thanked me and told me that he and his wife got back together and the whole family was saved and in church together.”

As Carl finished, his expression changed. He appeared almost sad and commented, “How many times have we hurt God by not listening to Him, by not doing what He tells us to do? And look at the blessings we miss out on and the blessings others miss out on to”

I don’t know about you, but I stand both admonished and exhorted. Let’s no longer rob ourselves and others of the blessings of God by succumbing to the fear men. Be forewarned, God just might ask you to do something that seems crazy to the world.

“For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us it is the power of God…it pleased God through the foolishness of the message preached to save those who believe…God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise.” (I Corinthians 1:18-31)

Read part 2

There's No Such Thing As An Idle Conversation

Remember last week’s story about Dee? Well, this is part two, but the chronology could be a little confusing; because this is a revised rerun of the original two-part story published in the Portsmouth Daily Times on May 14th and July 9th, 2006. So let me try to set things in order.
Dee was admitted to our hospice program about 13 years ago. It was at that time that I met her daughter, Debi, in the lobby of Mercy Hospital. Debi shared how her mother always told her, “You’ll always be my horse even if you never win a race.” (Part One) What amazing grace, unconditional love and acceptance; the type of love that frees a person to risk, to step out from behind their defenses and pretenses, to become who they are. It’s a love that extinguishes the fear of rejection.

I was so impressed, and not wanting to lose the lesson, that I scribbled down some notes and kept them in a file. It wasn’t until 10 years later, that I had the opportunity to publish the first part of Dee’s story in the Portsmouth Daily Times.

I hadn’t talked with Debi since that day in the lobby at Mercy Hospital. But would you believe that Debi just happened to be in town, ten years later, on the very day her mother’s story was originally published in the Portsmouth Daily Times? Debi e-mailed me the following day. We both learned a lesson about “idle conversations”. I’ll let Debi speak for herself:

“Mr. Hardin, I am Debi Justice Bowling, daughter of Dee Justice, who you mentioned in your article "She’s my horse..." It just so happens that I was in town this weekend when extended family read your article and called. It came as quite a surprise to say the least. I found it interesting that a conversation from years ago could be revisited and shared more than a decade later…Thank you for revisiting, and more importantly, using our story to minister to others. You also shared how you did not understand how salvation could be so simple. What you did not know is that one of Mother's last nights she too questioned the simplicity of salvation. She had received the Lord several years before her illness, but in those last days wanted assurance. During that night she was blessed with a dream of heaven. She woke with a radiant smile. When I asked, she simply said "It is so beautiful." She was given the assurance and peace that only God can give, and it showed.

Again thank you for sharing our story. To me the lesson that I want to share with my children, is that there is no such thing as an idle conversation. Our words do make an impression, good or bad. We should always be aware of that. Sincerely, Debi Bowling.”

Our words are powerful! They can inspire; they can edify and encourage; but they can also discourage and tear down. I believe we underestimate the impact and eternal significance of what we say. But Jesus didn’t: “…I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give an account of it in the Day of Judgment. For by your words you will be justified and by your words you will be condemned.” (Matthew 12:36-37)

And since we’ll give an account for “every idle word”, maybe we’d be wise to embrace some Biblical advice: “ Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification(building up), according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear.” (Ephesians 4:29)

You'll Always Be My Horse Even If You Never Win a Race

I believe Dee was in her mid fifties when admitted to hospice; a prominent beautician who owned a salon. You have to love the name, “Dee’s Wigwam”. It’s been at least ten years since Dee died so the details have faded. I can’t even recollect her illness, but I’ll never forget her elegance and grace, her spiritual attractiveness. There was just something about her.

I had a brief encounter with Dee’s daughter; in her mid twenties, mature and confident beyond her years. I can’t even remember her name but I’ll never forget the lesson. Dee was admitted to Mercy Hospital and her daughter and I sat in the lobby getting acquainted. Her daughter testified about what a “wonderful mother” Dee had been. She recounted, “Mom always told me, ‘You’ll always be my horse even if you never win a race.’ ”

What unconditional love and acceptance! No wander her daughter exuded a maturity and confidence beyond her years. This is the kind of love that extinguishes the fear of failure and rejection; that frees a person to risk, to grow, to become who they truly are.

Paul Tournier, a Swiss physician, in his book, “The Adventure of Living”, refers to “the principle of helping”: “You can’t help a person become all they can be until you accept them just the way they are. “ It is unconditional love and acceptance that encourages a person to stand naked before God and another human being. And it’s only by daring to step out from behind our personas, our defenses and pretenses, into the light of truth that we avail ourselves to the very presence, grace and forgiveness of God. Without confession, without honesty, without admission there can be no true forgiveness, acceptance or relationship. You see, God can’t forgive excuses, only sins openly confessed, “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. (I John 1:8-9)

But stepping out from behind our pretenses and defenses takes more than courage, it requires trust. And the world doesn’t condition us to trust does it? But I am here to tell you that you can trust God! I dared to trust Him over thirty years ago.

I was disillusioned with myself, ashamed, guilty, and desperately searching for God knows what, to fill the void inside me. I thought, “I’ll read the Bible”, so I read from midnight to five o’clock in the morning, but no change! I prayed, “God what do you expect from me! I give up! I can’t do it! If I’m going to be saved you’re gonna have to do it for me.” But still no epiphany. I sighed and decided to open the Bible and give God “one more chance”. I turned to Matthew chapter 7 and read, “ Ask and it shall be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and it will be opened to you…If you being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him!” I thought, “Surely it can’t be as simple as just asking. Surely God expects me to clean my life up a little first.” But how could I undo the things I’d already done?” So I decided to take God at His word and I prayed, “God, either you are a liar or you’re telling the truth. And if it’s true, it’s true for me too. So I’m asking.”

There’s no way I can communicate the love and grace that filled my heart. I couldn’t believe that anyone would accept and love me just the way I was. That day I became His horse even if I never win a race. This is the kind of love we all long for. This is the kind of love a person will live and die for.

How about you? Do you long to be accepted just the way you are? Then dare to step out from behind your pretenses and defenses and stand naked before God, the creator and lover of your soul. But be forewarned for, “God loves you just the way you are, but He loves you too much to let you stay that way.” (Author unknown)

Pay It Forward

I’m stepping out of my normal format this week. I’m not writing about a hospice patient. I’m writing about one of those short lived personal encounters that make a lasting impression upon you; about Charlie.

My wife and I bought our first house back in the 70’s. It was a fixer upper, but unfortunately I wasn’t. I tore out the fireplace and gutted the kitchen and bathrooms at the same time. (Big mistake!) So we had to shower at my in-laws and we “didn’t have a pot to …”. Needless to say, things were getting pretty stressful on the home front.

I’d just started working at the hospital as a social worker. Our office was in the basement adjacent to the Home Care Department and Jean, a Home Care nurse, overheard me moaning to my coworker about my remodeling woes. Jean graciously and sympathetically suggested, “You should call my husband, Charlie, he’d be glad to help you out.” Jean not only volunteered Charlie, she dispatched him.
In my eyes, Charlie was a relatively old fellow back then, in his late forties. He was a carpenter at the local steel mill and had been a civil engineer with the railroad. He surveyed the chaos and then asked, “What do you want to accomplish here?” He directed, “I’ll get you started and when you get one thing done I’ll come back and help you get the next thing lined out.” We started with preparing the kitchen walls for new cabinets. Next he lined me out on rewiring; then plumbing, then paneling, then the ceiling, and finally installing the cabinets. I’m so thankful Charlie didn’t do the work for me; instead he taught me how to do it myself.

I felt so indebted to Charlie that I insisted on paying him. Instead he asked me to promise him one thing in return, “Just be willing to do the same thing for someone else.”

I recently watched a movie that reminded me of Charlie, titled, “Pay It Forward.” A seventh grade social studies teacher gave his class an assignment, “Think of an idea to change the world and put it into action.” The next day the students were called on to share their ideas. A student named Trevor shared his plan; that if he did something for three people and those three people did something for three more people, then that would make nine, and so on. Trevor added, “But you can’t pay the good deeds back; you have to pay them forward.” He added, “It has to be really big, something that they can’t do for themselves…You can’t plan it. You have to watch people more. You have to keep your eye on them, to protect them; because they can’t always see what they need…It’s like your big chance to fix something that’s not like your bike. You can fix a person.”

Charlie lined me out on more than home remodeling that year. He lined me out on an inescapable, wonderful, life-giving spiritual principle. Can you imagine what our world would be like, what we would be like, if we made it our mission to “Pay it Forward?”

Sister Severin, my administrative supervisor at Mercy Hospital back in 1990, gave me a gift when I earned my Masters Degree in Social Work. It’s a small framed picture of St. Francis with a hand written note and a poem written on the back. She wrote, “May we, like Francis , be instruments of peace”. Sister Severin passed St. Francis’ prayer on to me, so I’m paying it forward to you.

“Prayer of St. Frances:
Lord make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred…let me sow love,
Where there is injury…pardon.
Where there is discord…unity.
Where there is doubt…faith.
Where there is error…truth.
Where there is despair…hope,
Where there is sadness…joy.
Where there is darkness…light.
O Divine Master, grant that I may no so much seek to be consoled…as to console.
To be understood…as to understand.
To be loved…as to love.
For it is in giving…that we receive.
It is in pardoning, that we are pardoned.
It is in dying…that we are born to eternal life."