I Am a Server

I’m revisiting my old friend, Gary, this week. Gary is sixty-eight years old, has congestive heart failure, and has been on hospice for over a year and a half. You may remember Gary’s previous column titled, “Your Sins Will Find You Out.” When Gary and his friend, Jerry, were six years old, they decided to round up all the cats in the neighborhood. Gary recounted, “We caught every cat we could find…We had about three burlap sacks full…We took the cats to my friend’s garage and we painted all the cats green with a paint brush…and we turned them loose on New Boston. We had a lot of people mad at us…The police tracked green paw prints back to the garage and came to both of our houses. I guess they decided they needed to teach us a lesson…my mom, she taught me a lesson.” The lesson; there’s nothing hidden from God; eventually our actions will lead a path back to us, “Be sure your sin will find you out.” (Numbers 32:23)

Gary enjoys going out for coffee when he feels up to it, so we’ve made a couple trips to “Bob Evans” and “The Huddle House”. Gary amazes me; how he instantly connects with the waitresses. A young waitress came to take our order and Gary asked, “How are you doing today?” She replied, “Fine”, and asked if we’d like some coffee. Gary replied, “Sure, but take your time honey, we’re in no hurry.” When she returned Gary kindly thanked her and commented, “You seem like a really good waitress”; she smiled and coyly replied, “It’s easy when you only have one table.”

I have to confess that at first I thought, “This guy is really smooth. What a charmer!” But Gary’s taught me that there’s nothing wrong with being charming if it stems from sincere interest, respect and appreciation.

When I told Gary how impressed I was by his respect for the waitresses he reflected, “I think I got that from my mom. Back in the thirties and forties some people looked down on people who served. Mom always told us that there’s not much distance between us and them; we could be there sometimes. People take waitresses for granted, but they wouldn’t if they had to get up and get things themselves…I feel for the working people and they are the real working people. Many of them are probably working two or three jobs just to make ends meet. They need a boost. They don’t need anybody tearing them down. What they do may not even be completely to your liking sometimes, but they may be doing the best they can. You have to overlook people sometimes, they’re only human. Some days I can’t even stand myself. Do you know what I mean?” Stop and meditate on those words for a while!

A couple of weeks ago I was standing in line waiting to pay for gas. A young lady ahead of me held a large purse and was counting out change. She turned and apologized for taking so long and explained, “I’m a server, and at the end of the month I have to use my tip money to pay for gas.” I assured her that no apology was needed.

Gary has changed my thinking forever. I don’t think I’ll look at a waiter or waitress the same again. You know, Jesus also tried to change the thinking of his disciples. Can you believe that He had to pull them off to the side when they started arguing about which of them should be considered the greatest (Luke 22:24-27)? And when the mother of two of the disciples asked Jesus to let one son sit at his right hand, and her other son at His left hand in His kingdom, Jesus replied, “…whoever desires to become great among you, let him be your servant…Just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for Many” (Matthew 20:20-28).

I’m coming to believe that the reason that God feels so distant sometimes is because we refuse to join the Holy Spirit where He is. Like Jesus, He is about the Father’s business, serving others. If Jesus came to be a “server”, I think it would be wise for me to be one too. What about you?

A Dream is Like a River

A couple weeks ago I sat at my desk praying about a situation I was desperately trying to change. I was determined to turn things around. I pressed every button, tried every scheme, But what I wanted to happen, I couldn’t make happen. Exhausted and defeated, I told God, “I give up. I just can’t do it. ” Then instantly a twelve year old conversation with Mike, one of my hospice patient’s, came to mind.

Mike was 58 years old when referred to Hospice for cancer of the pancreas. He and his wife, Janet, owned and operated a successful garden center and landscaping business. Mike was a canoeing enthusiast. He showed me the frame of a cedar strip canoe he hoped to build, if his cancer “cooperated”. Well, it didn’t. But Mike never gave up. He attended a whittling class and crafted small birch bark canoes as gifts for his friends. Mike is the perfect example of healthy compensation, which declares, “I might not be able to do this, but I can do that.” He focused on what was left, not on what was lost. I was so encouraged and inspired by Mikes example that I wrote a column about him, titled, “Don’t give up, don’t ever give up”, which was published in the Portsmouth Daily Times on December 15, 2001.

But the conversation that came to mind a couple of weeks ago wasn’t about determination, but about cooperation. Mike told me about a canoe trip down the Scioto River with two of his young workers: “I was in a canoe by myself and they were in a canoe together…They’d never been canoeing before…They had no idea what they were doing. They didn’t know how to read the water. They ended up dragging in shallow water…they would miss the current and I would float by them as they paddled like crazy to catch up…By the time we finished they were worn out…They kept fighting against the current instead of cooperating with it.”

At the risk of plagiarizing Garth Brooks, “A Dream is like a River” isn’t it? Life is like a white water river. I have a little white water canoeing experience, not all successful. I destroyed my $600 Grumman canoe in Paint Creek at flood stage a few years ago; it was twisted like a pretzel! Shoot! The same day I almost buckled my $800 white water canoe against a rock in only four feet of water. And I almost lost my future son-in-law. As we were gearing up for the trip, Kevin put on an undersized, child’s life jacket (against my advice) and said, “That’s good enough”. About a half hour later he was clinging to a tree like a monkey with the water swirling under him. The the rest of us made a human chain to him from the bank, yelling “Jump, we’ll catch you”. I wonder why he still doesn’t fully trust me. By the way, he’s now a Coast Guard Marine Safety Technician. God bless America!

The force of water should not be underestimated. Did you know that the water pressure against a 15 foot canoe, running at ten miles an hour, breached against a rock, is over 8,000 pounds? Now you understand why it’s wise to understand and cooperate with the current instead of fighting against it.

There are times in life when you cannot change the current (nor should you). There are times to cooperate with the direction that life is moving you. But that doesn’t mean just “going with the flow”. That could be disastrous. Experienced white water canoeists take time to scout out and know the stream; they read the water to choose a safe passage. They know that an inverted “V” in the water indicates that there is a rock in the center of the “V”; that “pillows” of water indicate a rock submerged beneath and should be avoided; that standing waves or “hay stacks” are usually the route to take; because they indicate deeper water on the other side.

Are you fighting against the current of your life right now? Are you desperately trying to change something you cannot change? You may be fighting against the very will of God; and like the force of water, the power of God’s will, should not be underestimated. Pull over, scout out the stream, and choose your passage wisely.

Consider getting some instruction. I know of no better guide than God, no better manual for navigating the rapids of life than the Bible: “This charge I commit to you...wage the good warfare…having faith and a good conscience, which some having rejected, concerning the faith have suffered shipwreck” (I Timothy 1:19)

Your Sins Will Find You Out

Gary is sixty-seven years old and was admitted to hospice for congestive heart failure. He’s an interesting fellow; probably because he’s interested. He’s interested in world events; he keeps up on the news and is politically opinionated. He asks probing questions. Last week we talked about the conflict in the Middle East and Gary asked if I thought it was a “sign” of the “end times”. He even asked me if I was afraid to die. Hey, I’m the hospice social worker; I thought I was supposed to ask that question!

Gary initiated a discussion about the “Holy Trinity”. He questioned how the Father, Son and Holy Ghost could be one in the same. He asked why the Catholic Church always ends their prayers with, “In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost”, while protestant churches typically don’t. He said, “You should write a column about that. It would cause people to think.” I told him I’d rather write a story about him. I’d rather write about “the green cats”.

Before getting to the green cats, I have to share an anecdote that dispels a common misconception; that enrollment in hospice means nothing but serious discussions about death and dying. Our entire staff knows that Gary has a crush on Dolly Parton. (Really!) He jokingly asked if I could get Dolly Parton to visit him. I told him I’d see what I could do. The following week, Gary’s nurse, Cindy, showed up in a Dolly Parton costume. Gary loved it! Boy I wish I’d been there with my camera.

Now for the green cats, in Gary’s words: “We were just kids, around five or six. I don’t know where we got the idea. I think we were just tired of playing cowboys and Indians, Roy Rogers and Gene Autry. So my friend and I decided to capture all the cats in the neighborhood. We caught every cat we could find. It didn’t make any difference whether the cat belonged to the chief of police or was a stray. We had about three burlap sacks full of cats. We took the cats to my friend’s garage and we painted all the cats green with a paint brush and we turned them loose on New Boston. We had a lot of people mad at us. They were wanting to hang two little boys. The police tracked green paw prints back to the garage and came to both of our houses. I guess they decided they needed to teach us a lesson. When they asked me why I did it I told them, ‘He talked me into it.’ My friend told them the same thing; that way we shared the blame equally. And my mom, she taught me a lesson. I got a switch, a big switch. But I hated the grounding even more. Now you know what kind of a fellow you are dealing with.”

On a spiritual level, we aren’t much different than those two little boys are we? We think we can hide, that there are secret places. But God knows better. He declared in the Old Testament: “Am I a God who is near…And not a God far off? Can a man hide himself in hiding places, so I do not see him…Do I not fill the heavens and the earth?” (Jeremiah 23:23-24).

Seeing that our actions will always leave a trail leading back to us, wouldn’t it be wise to live in the light of eternity, to be open and honest before God? The bad news is that God does not forgive excuses, but the good news is that He does forgive sins sincerely confessed. “…be sure your sin will find you out” (Numbers 32:23)

They Come In, Look Around, See and Do

It’s been several years since Tom died of cancer, but he’s been on my mind again lately. He was a good ole country boy; a retired railroader. He and his wife had several adult children who lived nearby. Tom’s house was situated on about an acre lot. The deep back yard gently sloped down to a small creek, bordered by a steep hill on the far side. The yard was spotted with ceramic animals, a bird bath, a wishing well and a wagon wheel amidst some mature trees. Hanging from an old metal children’s swing set frame was a wooden porch swing, where Tom and I had some good conversation.

Tom’s immediate transparency surprised me. Within the first minutes of my initial visit he admitted to episodes of discouragement. But he also quickly pointed to his source of encouragement. He handed me a copy of, “The Healing of the Mind and Soul in the Twenty-third Psalm”, by Charles Allen. It was a small pamphlet, about four by six inches and 22 pages. Tom shared, “Whenever I start getting discouraged I read this pamphlet. When you break down the 23rd Psalm and really understand what it means for us to be sheep and for God to be our shepherd, you get a lot of comfort from it.” It was obvious that Tom not only knew the psalm, he also knew the Shepherd.

As I do with all our hospice patients, I asked Tom and his wife if they had enough help. Tom replied, “If my children waited for me to ask for help, that grass out there would be up to my rear end by now. I don’t have to ask. My kids come in, look around, see and do.”

The day Tom died I shared with his children what he’d told me about their love and support. I also admitted to them that their examples were not only inspiring but also convicting. Do I, “Come in, look around, see, and do”? Or do I wait to be called?

Earlier this week, Mike, a good friend and coworker, approached me about a quote in my last column titled “God’s not finished with me yet”. The quote was from the book, “Coloring Outside the Lines” by Howard Hendricks. He wrote, “Don’t let it be written on your tombstone, ‘Died age 40, buried age 70”. Mike asked, “How do you live the life you’d like to live while being responsible at the same time?”

I’ve pondered Mike’s question and even discussed it with him today. And this is what I’ve concluded. We all need a break and diversion from time to time. And the pursuit of personal adventures, goals, hobbies and interests can be beneficial. We have to take care of ourselves; otherwise how can we remain fit enough to help anybody else? However, I’ve concluded there’s no greater, no more significant, no nobler life than a life of benevolent responsibility. Benevolence is “good willing”; being dedicated to the highest good of God and His creation with no selfish strings attached. It means being attentive to, sensitive to, and responsive to the needs of others.

What if we awoke each morning and made it our primary goal to be benevolently responsive to the world around us? I believe that we would experience exhilaration, a renewed sense of adventure and spiritual quickening that comes only from being caught up in a purpose greater than ourselves! We would experience deliverance from our self-centeredness, our self-pity and become what the author, John Eldridge, terms “Wild at Heart”.

Oh to be benevolently responsive and to live a life of benevolent responsibility! I believe that to do so would be to encounter God Himself. For, we don’t find God by escaping responsibilities, but by embracing them. Are you ready? Then let’s, “Come in, look around, see and do?

“Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:4)