Gods Not Finished With Me Yet

I knew I would eventually have to tell you about my buddy Selby. He’s been gone for several years now. Our goal in Hospice is to reflect to our patients how inherently special they are, that their hearts, minds and souls are holy ground. But there have been a hand full of patients who have made me feel special. Until Selby’s death I didn’t realize how much my sense of worth was reflected in the eyes of another.

Selby was 72 when referred to Hospice for lung cancer. He was a retired electronics technician and had owned three TV repair shops in Columbus. He and his wife, Alma, were free spirited and had moved several times “in a day’s notice”, which was no simple task with 10 children.

When we first met, Selby was bedfast and it took two people to transfer him to a bedside commode. And he’d lost 70 pounds, leaving him extremely weak. I asked Selby about his medical history and he replied, “I’ve been blessed with pretty good health”. Then I asked if he’d had any medical problems, and he replied, “Well, I’ve had a broken back, a light stroke, emphysema, heart problems and now lung cancer.” I suggested,

“For someone with good health you’ve sure had a lot of problems.”

Weeks earlier Selby had been in the Intensive Care Unit at Southern Ohio Medical Center. He reflected, “My doctor asked me, ‘Selby, are you ready to go (die)?’, and I asked him, ‘Go where? I’m ready but I’m not going anywhere doc. God’s not finished with me yet. I’ll see you tomorrow.’ And I did. They had called all my family in, but you know, doctors don’t know everything. God’s not finished with me yet. I’m not finished yet either. I’m gonna walk again. I’d like to drive again.” Secretly I thought, “Boy, this fellow is in denial”, but I went along with him and asked, “Where would you want to go if you could drive?” He replied, “Captain D’s”. So I promised Selby, “ If you get strong enough to get out of the house I’ll take you and buy your lunch”. About three months later Selby and I went to Captain D’s. In retrospect, I guess I was the one in denial.

Selby, his wife Alma, and I met every Wednesday afternoon for almost two years. When we finished talking business Selby would look at me with a big grin, raise his hand, forming an “Okay” with his fingers and say, “Are you ready”. It was the signal to move to the kitchen table for a game of “Farkle”. Few people are familiar with the game but I had learned it from a friend in California. When Selby discovered that I could play, it became mandatory and the central focus of our visits. I felt a little guilty being paid to play dice and eat Alma’s homemade bread, but not too guilty. Alma was so burned out on Farkle that I believe she would have paid me herself. We had a lot of fun but we also worked, talked seriously and took care of business. It’s amazing what you talk about sitting at a kitchen table playing a game.

After Selby had been a Hospice patient for over a year, we reviewed his progress. And I realized that it wasn’t by chance that he was still around. He had a precise strategy, which he shared. “I consider every thing I eat as power. So I make myself eat even if I don’t feel like it. I’ve also found something to occupy myself with”. Selby began by painting ceramics, planted a garden and even repaired an old Chevy Caprice. He continued, “I try to push myself a little more each day. And the main thing, the number one thing, is I keep looking to the man above.”

Selby died about two years after being admitted to Hospice, two years after being given one day. I’m convinced Selby’s attitude and determination contributed to his longevity. For Selby decided to live until he died. I’m reminded of a quote from a book written by Howard Hendricks titled, Coloring Outside the Lines: “Don’t let it be written on your tombstone, ‘Died age 40, buried age 70”.

“For as he (a man) thinks in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7)

Love's The Top Dog

This is part two, of a two part series, about Eric, age forty-six, admitted to hospice because of terminal cancer. In part one; “God is a Heart God”, Eric admitted that he was a Reba McIntyre fan, but also pointed out that, “Entertainers always present an image that they want to look like.” When I suggested that we all do, Eric replied, “But God is a heart God…Men look on the outside but God looks at the heart, on the inside. The mind can be fooled but not the heart.”

Eric’s parents, in their eighties, are tough country people. Eric’s father, Lawrence, bragged about his wife, Rindi, “She can work like a man…When we built our house she climbed up the rafters like a man and helped put on the roof.” Lawrence was a Marine, and a machine gunner in the South Pacific, during World War II. He reflected, “You had to do what you had to do…When the war started I hated the Japanese, but by the time the war was over, I didn’t hate them anymore. They were just men like us.” Lawrence worked most of his life in brick factories, carrying, wheel barrowing and stacking brick; day after day. He concluded that he “wore out” his knees, which was evident when he teetered across the front yard.

One afternoon, after spending time with Eric, I encountered Lawrence and Rindi as I was leaving. They were reorganizing their garage. Rindi asked me, “Do you notice any changes in him?” I asked her the same question in return and she replied, “He’s eating but he’s still losing weight.” Lawrence asked, “He’s in bad shape isn’t he?” When I agreed with his evaluation, Lawrence covered his face with his hand and stumbled backwards. In retrospect, I don’t know if his knees gave out or if he was overcome with emotion, or perhaps both. Rindi declared, “I’ll do anything I can for him (Eric).” We talked about how none of us are perfect, either as parents or as caregivers. There will always be something more we could have seen, said or done. I shared the Bible passage, “…love will cover a multitude of sins.” (I Peter 4:8) We talked about how, when it’s all said and done, the important thing is whether the person knew you loved them. Then Lawrence summed it all up, “Love’s the top dog, isn’t it?”

The same is true in our relationship with God. Peter’s life is an example. After eating the “Last Supper”, with his twelve disciples, Jesus declared, “All of you will be made to stumble because of Me tonight”. But Peter exclaimed, “Even if all are made to stumble because of You, I will never be made to stumble…Even if I have to die with You, I will not deny You.” (Matthew 26:31- 35) But that same night, as Peter watched the Jews beat and mock Jesus in the court yard of the high priest, he denied ever even knowing Jesus; not just once, but three times. And on the third time, the rooster crowed just as Jesus predicted; “Then the Lord turned and looked at Peter…Then Peter remembered the word of the Lord…So Peter went out and wept bitterly.”(Mark 14: 54-60)

Can you imagine the guilt and shame that Peter felt! He denied the very One he swore he would die for. But it wasn’t over. Jesus arose from the grave, and over a span of forty days, before He ascended to Heaven, “He also presented Himself alive” to his disciples; including Peter. (Acts 1:1-3). And what do you think Jesus said to Peter? He didn’t point out how Peter had disappointed Him. He didn’t remind him of his failures or say, “I told you so!” You see, Jesus understands and accepts that “the spirit indeed is willing but the flesh is weak” (Matthew 26:41). Jesus simply asked Peter three times (Once for each time Peter had denied Him), “Simon (Peter), son of Jonah, do you love Me?” And Peter replied, “Yes Lord; You know that I love You” (John 21:15-17). You see, when communicated and sincere, “…love will cover a multitude of sins.” And God won’t take less than your love, for “God is a Heart God”. For even with God, “Love’s the top dog”.

God is a Heart God

This is part one of a series about Eric, age forty-six, admitted to hospice because of terminal cancer. Eric is single and lives with his elderly parents. Eric seldom complains so we depend on his parents to tell us what he needs. His mother, Rinda, told me, “He won’t ask for anything for himself.”

When Eric started having leg pain he thought it was “just tendonitis”. So he rubbed it down with good ole “Ben Gay” and went on. He said, “It seemed to work, because the pain would come and go.” But then one night he simply turned in bed and his femur (thigh bone) snapped; a pathological fracture! He was admitted to the hospital and was told that he had cancer, and that it had already metastasized to the bone. He took a few radiation treatments but declined chemotherapy when the oncologist told him there was only a 25% chance that it would even slow down the cancer’s growth. Eric admitted, “I know it’s gonna kill me.”

Since Eric was so direct, I didn’t think he’d mind if I was too; so I asked him, “What do you believe, spiritually?” He replied, “I believe in God, that Jesus is His son. He will send me to Heaven or hell”; then he concluded, “Come back whenever you can so we can talk about the Lord. It comforts me.”

During our second visit, Eric asked, “Do you pray for your patients?” I replied, “I do, and as a matter of fact I’ve been praying for you.” Then Eric reaffirmed, “I believe that God is the creator and that Jesus is His son. I don’t even deserve to exist. He doesn’t owe me anything. He doesn’t owe any of us anything.” That plunged us into a discourse about God’s sovereignty and grace; about how, “No one is good but One, that is, God” (Matthew 19:17). I shared that I learned some time ago, to stop going to God for approval; and that I surely don’t want God to give me what I deserve. Like the lowly tax collector who went up to the temple to pray, I’m pleading, “God be merciful to me a sinner!” (Luke 18:9-14). For if there’s only “One” good, then where does that leave the rest of us?

Eric enthusiastically agreed and boldly declared, “God is a heart God. He died for us because He loves us. So He wants us to love Him in return. Men look on the outside but God looks at the heart, on the inside. The mind can be fooled but not the heart.” I told Eric, “You know, I really like you. I like how you put words together in a fresh way. I like your honesty and directness.”

As I was leaving, I noticed a signed picture of Reba McIntire hanging on the living room wall above Eric’s head. I asked where he got it and he replied, “I saw her down at the Scioto County Fair years ago before she got famous. She was there with Moe Bandy.” I told Eric, “I really like her. She seems like she’s a really good hearted person.” Eric gave me a discerning grin and said, “At least that’s the image she presents. She’s an entertainer and entertainers always present an image that they want to look like.” Then he added, “A lot of people do.” I added, “I’m afraid we all do.” Eric flinched and admitted, “You got me!” I assured Eric, “I wasn’t alluding to you. I was alluding to me.” Then Eric smiled and said, “I guess we got each other…But God sees everything. You can’t hide from Him.”

There’s a grave danger of becoming religiously sophisticated and spiritually tame; of displaying a persona instead of being a real person. I like how one of my favorite Christian writers describes it, “The voice of the turtle dove was rarely heard in the land; instead, the parrot sat on his artificial perch and dutifully repeated what he had been taught, and the whole emotional tone was somber and dull.” (“Keys to the Deeper Life; A.W. Tozer).

You know, just as He did with Adam and Eve in the Garden after they sinned, God is inviting us to step out from behind our defenses and pretenses and stand naked before Him. “Let’s dare to step out; all we have to lose is our guilt and shame. And don’t worry; He won’t give us what we deserve. You see, “God is a heart God”.

“For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart” (I Samuel 16:7)

Beware, Lest You Forget!

Leroy was sixty-eight when referred to hospice for chronic airway obstruction. He lives with his wife “Cricket” and his adult daughter, “Bunny”. He also has three adult sons, Lee, Larry and Lonnie. Leroy’s grandson, Nick, is usually hanging around when I visit too. Leroy and his family love the outdoors and they’ve left behind them a trail of adventures, mishaps and close calls; experiences that scare the daylights out of you when they’re happening, but make for entertaining stories around the kitchen table. Bunny declared, “Dad is probably the only person in the world who almost turned over a pontoon boat.” Leroy looked up, grinned and shook his head in confirmation.

In retrospect, I knew I should have given Leroy a drivers test before loaning him our motorized scooter. Leroy took it to Indian Lake on a family fishing trip. His son, Lonnie recounted, “It was almost dark, so we decided to head back. Dad had gone ahead of us on the scooter, and as we were walking up the path with the fishing equipment we saw something fly across the parking lot. The next thing we heard was a thud. We ran to see what it was and there was dad lying on his side.” Leroy, in self defense, claimed, “I just wanted to see what it would do! I was going around a dumpster and I ran out of pavement.”

Leroy retired from a company that manufactured train rails. They electronically forged sections of rails up to a quarter mile long. Leroy hired in as a “point man”, guiding the rails onto railroad cars. But Leroy quickly climbed the company ladder, eventually becoming foreman, supervising a crew of twenty-five men. Each time Leroy was assigned a new position he was placed beside a man already doing the job. The man was told to show Leroy what to do. When Leroy became foreman in Belleview, Ohio he took a young worker under his wing and “showed him what to do”. Consequently, when Leroy accepted a new position in Russell, Kentucky, he already had his replacement trained. Not only did the young man replace him, he eventually became the plant manager and a national trouble shooter for the company.

Leroy’s story reminds me of another young man. His father died when he was eleven years old. Lacking wealth and much formal education, he had little hope of a life of national significance. But he had a heart for adventure. At age sixteen he became a surveyor in the rugged frontier lands of Western Virginia. At age twenty-one he was commissioned by the British Governor of Virginia, to carry a message to the French near Lake Erie; to tell them that the Ohio Country belonged to England. So, on October 31, 1753, he and his party of six, departed from Williamsburg, Virginia. While crossing the Allegheny River, the young man fell from his raft into the cold swirling water. And if it weren’t for his companion, Christopher Gist, the young man may have drowned or died of hypothermia. Gist pulled him out of the water, got him to shore, built a fire and tended his frost bitten extremities. That young man, George Washington, lived to became the first president of the United States. Now you have the rest of the story.

We have a tendency to illegitimately take the credit for our successes, don’t we? But God Himself warns us, “Beware that you do not forget the Lord your God…who led you through that great and terrible wilderness…then you say in your heart, ‘My power and the might of my hand have gained me this wealth’…then you shall remember the Lord your God, for it is He who gives you power…” (Deuteronomy chapter 8)

You see, there are no self-made men. What if Christopher Gist hadn’t been there to pull George Washington out of the freezing water? What if Leroy hadn’t taken that young man under his wing? What if the significant people in your life hadn’t cared for, provided for, inspired, taught and maybe even rescued you? So “Be careful lest you forget” all those people in your life who have helped you. In fact, now may be a good time to thank them for doing so.

“For who regards you as superior? And what do you have that you did not receive, but if you did receive it, why do you boast as if you had not received it?” (I Corinthians 4:6-7)

Why Don't You Trust Me?

Larry was admitted to hospice on 5/19/05 and died on 7/31/05. He was relatively young; relative to me; he was only 55 years old. He and his wife, Terry, lived up a country road and pastured a small church nearby. Larry was a small framed man who appeared very deliberate and a little private. But when talking about his faith he became animated.

Larry admitted: “When I was diagnosed with cancer I withdrew from everybody. I needed to be alone to sort things out. But, I finally got to the point where I trusted God with my life and I was able to go on. But then I started worrying about my family. I worried about my children. I wanted to make sure they were all saved before I died. I worried about how they would do without me. Then one day God asked me, ‘Larry, you’ve trusted me with your life, but why don’t you trust me with your family’s life?’ Then I said; ‘Yes Lord’, not out loud, my lips weren’t moving but my heart and mind were. Such a peace came over me.” Larry shook his head in regret, tears filled his eyes and he said, “It took me all those years! I wish I’d trusted Him sooner.” I told Larry, “I wish I’d met you and had this conversation sooner.”

Larry’s revelation reminds me of a story about Jim Cymbala, pastor of the Brooklyn Tabernacle, in his book “Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire”. It’s lengthy but worth it. He wrote, “Carol and I went through the darkest two-and-a-half-year tunnel…Our oldest daughter Chrissy…not only drew away from us, but also away from God…she even left our home. There were many nights we had no idea where she was…I tried everything. I begged, I pleaded, I scolded, I argued, I tried to control her with money…But the more I pressed the worse Chrissy got…I knew I had to let go of this situation…One cold Tuesday night during the prayer meeting…An usher handed me a note. A young woman…had written: “Pastor Cymbala, I feel impressed that we should stop the meeting and all pray for your daughter.” My tear ducts had run dry, but I prayed as best I knew…Thirty-two hours later, on Thursday morning, as I was shaving, Carol suddenly burst through the door... ‘Go down stairs…Chrissy’s here!’ I wiped off the shaving foam and headed down the stairs…As I came around the corner, I saw my daughter on the kitchen floor, rocking on her hands and knees, sobbing…She grabbed my pant leg and began pouring out her anguish. ‘Daddy—Daddy—I’ve sinned against God. I’ve sinned against myself. I’ve sinned against you and mommy. Please forgive me…Daddy,’ she said with a start, ‘Who was praying for me…Daddy, tell me the truth—who was praying for me Tuesday night?’"As a father and husband, I’m coming to realize that there are two things which are merely illusions; control and protection. I’m not the Father, I’m not the Son, and I’m not the Holy Spirit. He is where I can’t go, He knows what I don’t and He loves my family even more than I do. So, In light of who He is, and what I’m not, you’d think I’d pray more and worry less.

People tell us all the time, “Don’t worry, things will work out”; but they leave us hanging, without a prescription for our malady. But not so with God! The Apostle Paul has written our prescription: “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God that surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”(Philippians 4:6-7)