Cast Your Bread Upon the Waters

“Cast your bread upon the waters, for you will find it after many days…He who observes the wind will not sow, and he who regards the clouds will not reap…In the morning sow your seed, and in the evening do not withhold your hand; for you do not know which will prosper, either this or that, or whether both alike will be good.” (Ecclesiastes 11:1-6)

Robin was born and raised in Columbus, Ohio. She was a nurse’s aid and “loved it”. She was 40 years old when she moved in with her elderly parents. She knew her lung cancer would eventually result in her needing their help. She was petite, about 4’10” tall and weighed about 90 pounds. Her parents referred to her as their “little girl” and our nurses described her as “so cute”. I agree with both. She was vital, full of energy. She could talk ninety miles a minute, and when she did, her father would just glance towards me, grin and shake his head. She didn’t look old enough to have a 25-year-old daughter, but she did.

Robin seldom talked with her daughter in Columbus, and she hadn’t seen her for over three years. She explained that her daughter resented her for not attending her wedding. Robin admitted, “I should have been there for her, but I was afraid of seeing her father.” She had reasons. Her x-husband was a drug addict, was still using, and had a history of being verbally abusive. Consequently, Robin imagined all that could go wrong. She “observed the wind”, “regarded the clouds” and did not “sow’. She stayed home.

Robin shared that her daughter was expecting her first child soon and that she’d received an invitation to the baby shower. But since her x-husband and his family would surely be there, she questioned whether she should attend. Robin started observing the wind and regarding the clouds again; “What if they all ignore me?” “What if he starts something?” I was really worried that Robin would again allow the “What ifs” to rob her of another opportunity, a chance, this second chance, to restore her relationship with her daughter.

On the way to my next visit with Robin I pulled off the road and prayed, “Lord, What does Robin need to hear? Give me wisdom. Guide our conversation today.” Immediately Ecclesiastes 11:1-6 came to mind and I was confident that the verse was for her. So Robin and I read it together. We talked about how seaport merchants in Bible times used the colloquialism, “Cast your bread upon the water” to refer to taking a risk; to loading their goods upon a ship and setting sail to see what would happen. We talked about how we also have to take risks in order to grow; and how we’ll never act if we wait for the “perfect time”. We talked about how we really “don’t know” how things will turn out; about how we expend time and emotional energy worrying about things that may never happen. Then Robin decided, “I’m going!” She decided to “cast her bread upon the waters”.

The following week Robin returned with a report of a wonderful time with her daughter and her in-laws; “Everyone was so nice to me. My x-mother-in-law treated me like I was one of her children. My x-husband spent most of the time by him self, pouting. They said, ‘Just let him be that way if he want’s to.’” When I witnessed Robin’s joy over her reconciliation with her daughter, my soul silently celebrated, “Thank you Lord! You’re so good. Your word and your ways are so true.”

So, the next time you find yourself, “observing the wind” and “regarding the clouds”, remember Robin. Don’t let the fears of what “might happen”, rob you of what “could happen”. Become willing to risk and “cast your bread upon the waters”. Take the plunge and enter the adventure of living.

“People are like turtles. They don’t move forward until they stick their necks out.”

(Part two of Dru and Gene’s story will resume next week)

Living With Our Arms Wide Open

This week, Susan Goins, one of my fellow hospice social workers, is taking me up on my open invitation to share stories about patients who have inspired them. Without further adieu, here is Susan’s story about Nell.

When I first met Nell she was a very active vibrant lady who lived independently in her perfectly decorated apartment. She had a spot for everything and had the organizational skills and taste of a designer. And Nell always made her guests feel special. Sometimes it was hard to believe she was a Hospice patient; because she hardly sat down and she literally waited “hand and foot” on her guests.

I remember on one visit I came in with wet feet because it had been raining. I ended up spending the first ten minutes trying on several pairs of Nell’s new house shoes, at her insistence; even though Nell wore a size eight and I wore a size five. She wouldn’t stand for me being uncomfortable because of my wet feet. In review of our early relationship, as one of Nell’s hospice workers, I’ve said that I sometimes felt like a “dog”; because Nell always took care of us but never allowed us to wait on her.

Nell’s days as a hospice patient have now turned into years. She now lives with her perfect daughter, Pat. And we at hospice all know where Pat’s “perfect-ness” comes from. It appears that Nell has rounded a new corner in her life. She continues to give special gifts of herself, but now in a new and different direction. She is now allowing me and the other hospice staff to help and serve her. It may sound strange, but I just beamed the other day when I was able to get Nell a cup of coffee. What an honor it is to be allowed to serve this beautiful lady! Nell’s entire hospice team shares my sentiments.

Nell also seems to be seeing things in a whole new light. Her priorities appear to be changing. The things that used to matter, the things that used to worry and bother Nell, no longer do. Nell now talks about the “Earth Angels” that are here among us. Nell asked me if I thought she was talking “crazy”. I assured her that I didn’t. As a matter of fact, I also believe that God gives each of us peace when we need it most; that He uses regular people as “Earth Angels”, to help and watch over others. Therefore, I’m very cautious about ever disputing the claims of the sick or terminally ill. I’m inclined to believe that the terminally may have a greater sensitivity to, and a closer connection with, the spiritual world that surrounds us.

Now, during my visits with Nell, I hear about the special gifts she continues to bestow on others. She’s been contacting people that have not always been the nicest to her; and she is forgiving those that have trespassed against her. Even Nell’s attitude towards her daughter’s cats has changed. To my surprise, Nell said that now she doesn’t mind sharing her chair with Bosco and even shares her ice cream with L.B. It’s like Nell has had an epiphany. Embracing a spiritual and eternal perspective on life, living in the light of eternity, has given Nell a special peace and sense of grace. She is living and relating with her arms wide open to the world around her.

Most of us have heard the saying, “It’s more blessed to give than it is to receive”, but isn’t it more generous, gracious and humble to allow others to give to us? Nell’s story reminds me of the story of, “The Last Supper” (John 13:1-7). We’ll paraphrase. Jesus knew that “His hour was come that He should depart”, that He was soon to be crucified. After finishing the “The Last Supper” (Passover Meal) with his Twelve Disciples, He got up, filled a basin with water, wrapped a towel around Him and proceeded to wash His disciple’s feet. When He came to Simon Peter, Peter said, “Do you think you’re going to wash my feet...You’ll never wash my feet? Then Jesus replied, “Peter, if you don’t allow me to wash your feet then you can’t have anything to do with me, or me with you.” Then Peter replied, “Lord, then don’t just wash my feet, but also my hands and my head”.

We’re a lot like Peter, aren’t we? Stubborn pride and independence can weaken, cheat, strain, wound and fracture relationships. My hope and prayer is that that next time someone offers you some needed help, that you humble yourself, and allow them to give it. For by doing so you are giving the greatest gift of all. And we will be “living with our arms wide open”. “Freely you have received, freely give”.(Matthew 10:8)

Jesus Will Comfort You

Wilma was in her late 80’s when referred to hospice for renal failure. I could tell by the way she looked at me that her confidence would have to be earned. She admitted, “I’ve been alone and depressed much of my life. I’ve never had any real friends. I’ve always been a loner. When three or four people were together I usually ended up sitting and saying nothing.” Wilma seemed lonely, but at the same time, content. It didn’t make sense; the two aren’t compatible, are they? But I guess most of our lives are characterized by some dissonance; that we’re all walking contradictions to some degree.

Wilma reflected on her childhood in south Philadelphia, “My mother was Irish Catholic and really strict. She would as soon slap your face as look at you. I can’t ever remember my mother putting her arm around me and telling me she loved me. She never showed me any affection.” Wilma confessed, “I married young to escape from home”. But Wilma soon discovered that, on the other side, freedom looks and feels a lot like responsibility. She exclaimed, “It was hard!” But then a reminiscing smile slowly broke forth as she reflected on the two people from her past who were like an oasis in her desert.

Even though Wilma’s first husband left her, her mother-in-law remained faithful. Wilma and her two minor children lived with her mother-in-law in her boarding house. She watched the children while Wilma worked. Wilma described her, “She was educated. She went to highschool and then to business college. She was strict but gentle. She never raised her voice but she wouldn’t put up with any shenanigans either. If you pushed her she was fiery. She made the renters sign their names and if it wasn’t “Mr. and Mrs.______”, they weren’t allowed to stay.” When Wilma would cry over the stress of raising children on her own her mother-in-law would simply tell her, “Wilma, don’t cry, pray. Jesus will comfort you.”

The other oasis in Wilma’s desert was a Catholic Sister, her elementary school teacher. Wilma reminisced, “She always told us, ‘Jesus is your friend. Talk to him about your work, about your papers, your concerns.’ So I did. I’ll never forget what she told me. Now when I tell people that my friend lives with me they ask me, ‘who?’ and I say, “Jesus”. Their jaws drop and they don’t know what to say. We don’t know what Jesus looks like but if he were standing in that doorway I would know who He is.”

Now Wilma’s loneliness with contentment makes sense, doesn’t it? She’s found the “friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24); the consonant that produces harmony in dissonant lives.

Is your life characterized by dissonance, loneliness, fear, stress or discouragement? I’ve come to believe that what God did for Wilma He can do for us; He can do for you. So remember, “Jesus is your friend. Talk to Him… Don’t cry, pray. Jesus will comfort you”. Don’t you know, haven’t you heard, (Isaiah 40:28-31) that’s why Jesus came: “ The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor… to heal the broken hearted…to comfort all that mourn…to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning…the garment of praise for a spirit of heaviness…” (Isaiah 61:1-3).

I invite you to leave your comments below or email them directly to me at Loren@LorenHardin.com.

The Happiest Days of My Life

Joe was born to a mother he felt didn’t want him. His family told him that when he was born she ordered the hospital staff to, ‘Get him away from me!’ Joe commented, “She had children but didn’t want children…She treated children okay but she never really liked them.”

Joe admitted that he was “different” as a child; “I was sensitive, baby-faced and weak from rheumatic fever.” He also suffered from chronic mental illness, Bipolar Disorder also known as Manic Depression. He’d experienced multiple psychiatric hospitalizations during exacerbations of his illness. (For those interested in better understanding Bipolar Disorder/Manic Depression, I suggest you read “An Unquiet Mind” and other books by Kay Redfield Jamison.)

Joe was very artistic and creative, as many manic-depressives are. He declared, “My mind has been my best friend and my worst enemy”. He shared how he had been ridiculed and rejected for being different and stated, “I always wanted to be wanted, but I settled for being needed. So I’ve always tried to make myself needed.” He admitted to always “going overboard” to please others. Therefore, Joe spent a lifetime searching for significance and approval.

When I met Joe he was in his late 60’s. He’d resided in a nursing home for a couple of months and had been battling cancer for two years. He reflected upon his illness and declared, “But do you know what? The last two years have been the happiest years of my life.” I asked why and Joe replied, “You know, I’ve really never thought about it.”. After pondering the question for a while he concluded, “I think it’s because, for the past two years, I’ve been surrounded by a group of people who have accepted me for who I am instead of trying to change me. They pointed out my strengths and encouraged me to use them; and I did.”

Joe really isn’t that different, is he? We all want to be wanted and accepted for who we are. We’re all searching for a sense of worth and significance. Joe finally found it in the hearts of his friends. (Proverbs 27:19, 20:5) He was finally wanted, not just needed.

On a spiritual level, God knows us and accepts us just the way we are. But He also loves us too much to let us stay that way. For the goal of love is always spiritual growth. On a relationship level, do we truly value and respect others for who they are, just the way they are? I agree with the “principle of helping”, postulated by Paul Tournier, a Swiss physician, “You can’t help a person become what they can be until you accept them just the way they are.” Ponder that one for a while!

So, let’s take inventory of our closest relationships. Do we believe that the hearts, souls and minds of every individual are holy ground? They are! Are we communicating that we value others just the way they are? Or are we trying to selfishly manipulate them by withholding approval, acceptance, affection, and appreciation until they meet our expectations and selfish demands? Do those closest to us know we want them, not just need them? The daughter of one of our Hospice patients shared how her mother always made her feel unconditionally loved and accepted, “Mom always told me, ‘You are my horse even if you never win a race.’ ” Do we communicate this attitude to others? If not, let’s ask God to, “Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit (attitude) within me.” (Psalms 51:10)