No More Tabs

Charlie owned and operated a small local grocery store during the sixties and seventies. I started working for Charlie when I was thirteen. I loved working at the store and I loved being around Charlie. Those really were “the good ole days” of small family owned businesses, corner markets and neighborhoods. Charlie knew most of his customers by first name and many of the “regulars” would stop just to say hi and to shoot the breeze. Charlie was always cutting up, always joking around. He was a strong man with a grip like a vice. Our daily ritual was Charlie stretching out his hand and saying, “Put her there.” My challenge was to shove my hand as far back into his as possible, before he got a death grip on my fingers. After clamping down on my hand he would stomp on my foot and push me backwards. It was all I could do not to fall like a tree. He wouldn’t let me go until I cried, “I give!” Charlie was no respecter of persons; he was more than willing to extend the same challenge to any kid who entered the store; many accepted and many fell.

My first job was carrying out the produce and displaying it at the front of the store. In the morning I’d carry it out, and in the evening I’d carry it back; fifty-cents each time. Charlie gradually added responsibilities and hours as I proved myself. I thought I’d arrived when he allowed me to check out customers. In retrospect, I think it was the first time I felt like an adult, like a man. I can visualize the old manual cash register with the keys and pop-out drawer. I remember the cardboard box filled with “tabs” that we kept on a shelf under the register. Many of our “regular customers” would place their items on the counter and say, “Put it on my tab”. I’d pull out their tab and enter, by hand, every item they purchased. There were no credit card applications to complete, just their word; their promise to pay. On pay days, they’d usually settle up or at least make a partial payment.

I moved on to college; Charlie was forced to sell his store for the construction of a high rise apartment building; and Charlie eventually died of cancer. Several years after Charlie’s death I saw his son, Tom, at a football game. We reminisced about the good times at the store. Tom told me that Charlie had several boxes of “tabs”, thousands of dollars of unpaid accounts, when the store closed. He had every legal right to demand payment in full, but do you know what Charlie did? Charlie threw them all away, “No more tabs!”

On a spiritual level, when I think about the mercy and grace that God extended to me, I think of Charlie. I was saddled with a debt of sin and shame that I could never repay. And God had every legal right to demand full payment. But, Jesus Christ, through His death on the cross, paid it for me. Jesus’ last words on the cross were, “It is finished”. Chuck Swindol, a highly respected pastor and teacher once explained that the phrase “It is finished” is an ancient accounting expression meaning, “Paid in full”. In other words, “no more tabs!” Are you saddled with a spiritual debt you can never repay? Well, I have some “good news” for you: “ If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (I John 1:8-9).

Now, on a practical, relationship level, I challenge you to take inventory of your relationships. Are you keeping “tabs” on someone? Are you harboring resentment and bitterness? There is a time to confront and there is a time to forgive, but we need to do one or the other; either settle the account or throw away the tabs. Jesus said that when we refuse to extend mercy and forgiveness to others that we are “delivered to the tormentors” (Matthew 18:34). Resentment is such a waste of time, a waste of life, and can block the very flow of life itself. Is it really worth it? Decide today to throw away the tabs.

How Will You Be Remembered?

Pete Michael, one of our hospice chaplains, responded to my open invitation to the hospice staff to contribute inspirational stories about our patients. So here is Pete’s contribution.

“Buck” is a 60 year old Hospice patient with lung cancer. He is a “jack of all trades”, a self taught musician and nature photographer. His family will tell you that he can fix anything that needs fixed and that he has been that way since he took apart, and put back together, his Christmas presents as a 5 year old. He has also played music and taken pictures for almost as many years.

The conversation inspiring this story started when Buck responded to my question, “Who was your model of spirituality as you grew up?” Buck’s answer was quick and sure, “It was, and is, my Mom. She was the one who lived her faith in front of us every day.” When Buck talks about his mom his eyes light up and he becomes energized. His sister and primary caregiver, Marti, has the same reaction.

Several key thoughts emerged about Buck’s mother, Doris, during our conversation. Buck reflected, “She was no bigger than a minute in size; but there was no one larger in heart…If you came to our house, no matter who you were, you got hugged and something to eat. It was not optional. Her faith allowed her to love in a deep and unconditional way that started with her expression of hospitality.”

The second thought that emerged was Doris’ ability to see the good in everybody and yet not be used. She was evidently, “…as wise as a serpent and harmless as a dove” (Matthew: 10:16). Buck put it this way, “You called her naive but God called her love…She could look right through the wool you were trying to pull over her eyes”.

But Buck’s mother’s greatest teaching came in the way that she helped her children come to terms with their behavior. Buck recollected, “She would just look you right in the eye and ask, ‘If Jesus were standing right beside you when you are doing that, would you still do it?’. Buck added, “As I grew up that was sometimes a comfort to me; but often a thought that convicted me of the things I was doing.” Doris died a few years ago but Buck declares, “Her legacy lives on in our family and our lives…She was, and is, my model.”

The Apostle Paul expressed his appreciation to fellow Christians in the city of Thessalonica, for the way they modeled the Christian faith: “We always thank God for all of you, mentioning you in our prayers. We continually remember before our God and Father your work produced by faith, your labor prompted by love, and your endurance inspired by hope in our Lord Jesus Christ (1 Thessalonians 1:2)

The obvious question before you is “Who is your model for spirituality? On a deeper level, what is it about your spiritual models that has influenced or inspired you? What “works produced by faith”, what “labors prompted by love”, what hopes and dreams have been inspired by them? How have their lives and examples drawn you closer to our Lord Jesus Christ? Now for your assignment, “How about stopping for a few minutes and writing at least three of your responses down?

Finally, for the more challenging questions, “For whom do you serve as a model?” “How can you pass on what you’ve learned to them?” “What spiritual legacy do you hope will live on in your family’s hearts and lives?” And, “How do you want to be remembered?” I think you’ll agree, these aren’t rhetorical questions; but matters of eternal significance.

The Heart of a Pilgrim

Lena was one of the most attentive, devoted and loving caregivers and mothers I’ve known. Nearly 80 years old, she provided 24 hour care to her bed ridden 54-year-old daughter, Charlotte. Lena slept on a hard tile floor beside Charlotte’s hospital bed in Charlotte’s efficiency apartment. When I encouraged Lena to sleep on the couch she declined, stating, “I want to be as close to Charlotte as possible so I can hear her if she needs anything.” So Hospice provided a small cot to place beside Charlotte’s hospital bed.


Lena and Charlotte were Christians and typically talked about God’s goodness, about their faith in Him. But during one of my visits the spiritual tone was somber, as if a cold mist had settled upon their hearts and faith. Lena was deeply disturbed. She showed me a book she’d been reading on the Holy Spirit and healing, from which she concluded, “If only I had enough faith Charlotte would be healed. After all, the Bible does say you only need faith the size of a mustard seed, doesn’t it? I guess I just don’t have enough faith.” Lena started crying and I thought, “It’s not fair, not only is Lena losing her only child, but now she feels she’s a failure as a Christian and mother.” We talked, we searched, we struggled, and we debated. I wanted to take her burden away, but couldn’t. I suspect that she sensed that I was also struggling to define what I really believed. You know, it’s easy to proclaim boldly what you believe when standing on the mountaintop, but things look and feel a lot different in “the valley of the shadow “.


I was still wrestling with my definition of faith when I pulled into the parking lot of their apartment building the following week. By now I was almost angry about the burden of guilt and shame that Lena was shouldering, but what could I say to dispel and relieve it? That was the question I asked God as I sat in my car and prayed. The thought came to mind, “Read Hebrews chapter 11”. So I pulled my Bible off the dashboard of my car and commenced reading about the “elders” of the Christian faith, the saints that had gone before us: “By faith Abel offered… Noah prepared… Abraham obeyed and …he went out not knowing where he was going… These all died in faith, not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off were assured of them, embraced them and confessed they were strangers and pilgrims upon the earth. For those who say such things declare they plainly seek a homeland “(Hebrews 11:13-14)


I realized that in the entire eleventh chapter of the Book of Hebrews, typically considered “the faith chapter”, that there wasn’t a single example of mustering up enough confidence to make things happen, of “naming it and claiming it”. The elders offered, prepared, obeyed, stepped out, and considered themselves pilgrims and strangers. I realized that true faith defined and exemplified is embracing the heart of a pilgrim.


I want to clarify that the Bible does encourage us to seek and pray for healing, but healing is not the proof or measure of our faith. I believe when we lead someone to believe so we “…bind heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on men’s shoulders” (Matthew 23:4)


Lena, Charlotte and I celebrated as we read and discussed Hebrews chapter 11 that day. We thanked God that life is more than what happens to us here. And Lena was freed of her burden of guilt and shame that day because “The truth will make you free” (John 8:32)


I’ve observed that life seems to progress in developmental stages with corresponding challenges. And for many of the patients I work with in hospice, their final challenge is of shifting their hope from the physical to the spiritual, from the temporal to the eternal. I’ve also observed that without a spiritual and eternal perspective on life that circumstances can overwhelm and discourage us. So if you are in need of a little hope and faith right now, I encourage you to dig out a Bible and read chapters 11 and 12 of the book of Hebrews; because, “…faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God. (Romans 10:17)

The One Who Opens Doors

This is part two of a two part series about the conception and seven-year evolution of this column. In part one, titled, “Knowledge isn’t supposed to be lost”; we contemplated the commission of passing on what we’ve learned. We examined the Biblical declarations that it’s God working in us to “…will and to do for His good pleasure” (Philippians 2:13); and that it’s God who gives you, “the desires of your heart.” (Psalms 37:4).

I believe the desires of our hearts, our passions; our enthusiasms, is God’s nudging us towards new thresholds, doorways to deeper, and more meaningful and satisfying lives. The Apostle Paul, referring to his call and passion to minister to the Gentiles, proclaimed, “For a great and effective door has opened to me…1 Corinthians 16:9). Allow me to explain why I believe that God is the one who opens these doors.

Several years before the inception of this column, I felt compelled to pass on the inspirational stories and the wisdom of hospice patients. To fail to do so would be a type of spiritual abortion. I started out verbally carrying stories from patient to patient, from house to house. And I found the stories to be wellsprings of validation, encouragement and inspiration. You see, stories have a way of slipping through our defenses. And it seems we need to touch the wounds of those who have been wounded like us, and survived, before we can believe that we can survive too. (John 20:24-29)

I also shared patients’ stories while teaching Bible studies. My family and I had attended the same church for several years, but my heart had been telling me for quite some time, that we needed a change; for people, like seasons, do change. And as a wise Christian brother told me, “The future isn’t always an extension of the past.” Therefore, we departed, embarking upon a new adventure. But consequently I was no longer afforded the opportunity to share patients’ stories through teaching.

I grew disillusioned and questioned the continued value of taking the time to scribble out notes between hospice visits. I prayed, “Father, I don’t see any way to use these stories. One of these days when I’m dead and gone my kids will probably find my old handwritten notes and won’t even be able to read them. So they’ll probably just throw them away.” I didn’t hear God’s audible voice, but His words were resoundingly clear, “You just keep doing what I’ve directed you to do and I’ll provide a way, for I am the One who opens doors”.

A few weeks later I received a call from Brent, a young man who worked for the Portsmouth Daily Times. Brent asked, “Loren how would you like to write a weekly column?” I could hardly believe it. I thought, “Who in the world am I to write a column? There are hundreds of people more qualified than me.” That was 190 stories and seven years ago.

I called Brent this week to review the sequence of events that resulted in the conception of this column. He recounted, “I’d just graduated from college and I needed a job real fast, so I took the first job I could find. I started out working midnights in the mail room stuffing inserts into the papers. I would go home with ink all over me…I’d only been at the paper for five days when I saw an ad in the classifieds for a copy editor. So I applied and I was bumped upstairs.”

It wasn’t long before Brent and a coworker were commissioned to publish a special “weekly” edition of the newspaper, and Brent’s first feature story was about, you guessed it, hospice care. Brent, who I barely knew at the time, arranged through his mother, Debby, a hospice nurse, to accompany me on a visit to interview one of my patients. Afterward, Brent and I reflected on the interview and talked about the philosophy of hospice care. I shared my passion for passing on patients’ stories and about the stack of handwritten notes in my bottom desk drawer. I had no idea that I would later receive a call from Brent asking me if I would like to write a column. You see, God truly is the One who opens doors.

In conclusion, my questions to you are, “What are the desires of your heart?” This isn’t a rhetorical question. I challenge you to take the time to write them down. Now, “Are you being true to them? A “great and effective door” may be opening before you, a new threshold. Will you exercise the courage and faith to step through it?

One of my favorite authors, Charles Finney, in his book, “Power from God”, cautions, “Do not undertake what you have no heart to do… See that you have a heart and not merely a head call…” But when God does give you the desires of your heart, for God’s sake, for your sake, and for the sake of all those around you, don’t hold out and don’t hold back. Take the plunge and enter the adventure of living. And when you can’t see the end, just keep doing what God has directed and inspired you to do; for He is the One who opens doors. And He will.

“These things say He who is Holy, He who is true, He who has the key of David, He who opens and no one shuts and shuts and no one opens…I know your works, see I have set before you an open door and no one can shut it..” (Revelations 3:8)