Is It Ever Too Late?

This is part two of a two part series about Andy. Let me bring you up to date. Andy was referred to Hospice for colon cancer at age 65. He was married “under the influence” and annulled the marriage three days later. He had no children and depended upon his sister and brother-in-law much of his adult life. He was living with his sister when referred to hospice. Despite Andy’s hopes for recovery his condition worsened.

It’s at this stage of his illness that Andy, like many patients and families, faced a crisis of hope, a crisis of belief. He could no longer fend off the reality of his terminal illness. He faced the developmental challenge of shifting his hope from the physical to the spiritual, from the temporal to the eternal. His sister, Marie, stated, “I think he’s ready. The preacher talked with him yesterday.” But when I asked Andy if he made peace with God, he replied, “No”.

Since writing last week’s column I’ve become increasingly disturbed over how we, and especially I, fail to directly address spiritual questions and concerns with those we love. Why do we leave it up to the preachers? I know we shouldn’t force the door open but we can knock, we can ask, can’t we? We frequently convince ourselves that we are waiting for the “right time” when we may really be waiting for the “easy time”, which may never come.

Our excuses for remaining silent are varied, and some valid, but the outcome can be tragic. Avoidance at this point may leave the person alone in his crisis and despair. He may want to shift his hope but not know how. He may need a bridge of truth upon which to cross over. He may need someone to talk with about his fears, his questions, to help him clarify what he really believes. As wise King Solomon said, “A plan in the heart of a man is like deep water but a man of understanding draws it out.” (Proverbs 20:5-6).

We don’t have to have all the answers just the courage to ask the questions, to “draw it out”. Let’s run to the spiritual battle, not away from it. Let’s not let another wounded soldier fall.

Now, as I promised last week, “the rest of the story”. Andy was in the hospital awaiting nursing home placement. One day, as I was talking with him about finances and assigning a Power of Attorney, out of the blue he asked, “Is it ever to late to reach out to the tall man?” It took me a minute to figure out what he was talking about. I asked, “Do you mean to God?” and he answered, “Yeah”. I assured him that it was never too late but he stated he didn’t know how. We talked about the basics of confession, asking for forgiveness and surrendering our lives to God, of taking God at His word. I encouraged him to pray but he responded, “But I never was a person to express how I feel. Could you bring me some forms that I could look at to know how to pray?” We talked about being real, just talking to God like we were talking to one another. I asked if I could pray for him, and shortly after we started, he took over. He sure did well for a person who never expressed how he felt.

As I conclude this story, I’m still struggling, still asking myself where the line is between being too passive and too pushy. I’m afraid of being disrespectful, of trespassing, but I’m also afraid of being negligent. I’m not sure where I’ll end up, but I’m sure I’ll be closer to the line than I was before, what about you?

“But if the watchman sees the sword coming and does not blow the trumpet, and the people are not warned, and a sword comes and takes a person from them… his blood I will require from the watchman’s hand.” (Ezekiel 33:6)