Living With Our Arms Wide Open

This week, Susan Goins, one of my fellow hospice social workers, is taking me up on my open invitation to share stories about patients who have inspired them. Without further adieu, here is Susan’s story about Nell.

When I first met Nell she was a very active vibrant lady who lived independently in her perfectly decorated apartment. She had a spot for everything and had the organizational skills and taste of a designer. And Nell always made her guests feel special. Sometimes it was hard to believe she was a Hospice patient; because she hardly sat down and she literally waited “hand and foot” on her guests.

I remember on one visit I came in with wet feet because it had been raining. I ended up spending the first ten minutes trying on several pairs of Nell’s new house shoes, at her insistence; even though Nell wore a size eight and I wore a size five. She wouldn’t stand for me being uncomfortable because of my wet feet. In review of our early relationship, as one of Nell’s hospice workers, I’ve said that I sometimes felt like a “dog”; because Nell always took care of us but never allowed us to wait on her.

Nell’s days as a hospice patient have now turned into years. She now lives with her perfect daughter, Pat. And we at hospice all know where Pat’s “perfect-ness” comes from. It appears that Nell has rounded a new corner in her life. She continues to give special gifts of herself, but now in a new and different direction. She is now allowing me and the other hospice staff to help and serve her. It may sound strange, but I just beamed the other day when I was able to get Nell a cup of coffee. What an honor it is to be allowed to serve this beautiful lady! Nell’s entire hospice team shares my sentiments.

Nell also seems to be seeing things in a whole new light. Her priorities appear to be changing. The things that used to matter, the things that used to worry and bother Nell, no longer do. Nell now talks about the “Earth Angels” that are here among us. Nell asked me if I thought she was talking “crazy”. I assured her that I didn’t. As a matter of fact, I also believe that God gives each of us peace when we need it most; that He uses regular people as “Earth Angels”, to help and watch over others. Therefore, I’m very cautious about ever disputing the claims of the sick or terminally ill. I’m inclined to believe that the terminally may have a greater sensitivity to, and a closer connection with, the spiritual world that surrounds us.

Now, during my visits with Nell, I hear about the special gifts she continues to bestow on others. She’s been contacting people that have not always been the nicest to her; and she is forgiving those that have trespassed against her. Even Nell’s attitude towards her daughter’s cats has changed. To my surprise, Nell said that now she doesn’t mind sharing her chair with Bosco and even shares her ice cream with L.B. It’s like Nell has had an epiphany. Embracing a spiritual and eternal perspective on life, living in the light of eternity, has given Nell a special peace and sense of grace. She is living and relating with her arms wide open to the world around her.

Most of us have heard the saying, “It’s more blessed to give than it is to receive”, but isn’t it more generous, gracious and humble to allow others to give to us? Nell’s story reminds me of the story of, “The Last Supper” (John 13:1-7). We’ll paraphrase. Jesus knew that “His hour was come that He should depart”, that He was soon to be crucified. After finishing the “The Last Supper” (Passover Meal) with his Twelve Disciples, He got up, filled a basin with water, wrapped a towel around Him and proceeded to wash His disciple’s feet. When He came to Simon Peter, Peter said, “Do you think you’re going to wash my feet...You’ll never wash my feet? Then Jesus replied, “Peter, if you don’t allow me to wash your feet then you can’t have anything to do with me, or me with you.” Then Peter replied, “Lord, then don’t just wash my feet, but also my hands and my head”.

We’re a lot like Peter, aren’t we? Stubborn pride and independence can weaken, cheat, strain, wound and fracture relationships. My hope and prayer is that that next time someone offers you some needed help, that you humble yourself, and allow them to give it. For by doing so you are giving the greatest gift of all. And we will be “living with our arms wide open”. “Freely you have received, freely give”.(Matthew 10:8)