The Happiest Days of My Life

Joe was born to a mother he felt didn’t want him. His family told him that when he was born she ordered the hospital staff to, ‘Get him away from me!’ Joe commented, “She had children but didn’t want children…She treated children okay but she never really liked them.”

Joe admitted that he was “different” as a child; “I was sensitive, baby-faced and weak from rheumatic fever.” He also suffered from chronic mental illness, Bipolar Disorder also known as Manic Depression. He’d experienced multiple psychiatric hospitalizations during exacerbations of his illness. (For those interested in better understanding Bipolar Disorder/Manic Depression, I suggest you read “An Unquiet Mind” and other books by Kay Redfield Jamison.)

Joe was very artistic and creative, as many manic-depressives are. He declared, “My mind has been my best friend and my worst enemy”. He shared how he had been ridiculed and rejected for being different and stated, “I always wanted to be wanted, but I settled for being needed. So I’ve always tried to make myself needed.” He admitted to always “going overboard” to please others. Therefore, Joe spent a lifetime searching for significance and approval.

When I met Joe he was in his late 60’s. He’d resided in a nursing home for a couple of months and had been battling cancer for two years. He reflected upon his illness and declared, “But do you know what? The last two years have been the happiest years of my life.” I asked why and Joe replied, “You know, I’ve really never thought about it.”. After pondering the question for a while he concluded, “I think it’s because, for the past two years, I’ve been surrounded by a group of people who have accepted me for who I am instead of trying to change me. They pointed out my strengths and encouraged me to use them; and I did.”

Joe really isn’t that different, is he? We all want to be wanted and accepted for who we are. We’re all searching for a sense of worth and significance. Joe finally found it in the hearts of his friends. (Proverbs 27:19, 20:5) He was finally wanted, not just needed.

On a spiritual level, God knows us and accepts us just the way we are. But He also loves us too much to let us stay that way. For the goal of love is always spiritual growth. On a relationship level, do we truly value and respect others for who they are, just the way they are? I agree with the “principle of helping”, postulated by Paul Tournier, a Swiss physician, “You can’t help a person become what they can be until you accept them just the way they are.” Ponder that one for a while!

So, let’s take inventory of our closest relationships. Do we believe that the hearts, souls and minds of every individual are holy ground? They are! Are we communicating that we value others just the way they are? Or are we trying to selfishly manipulate them by withholding approval, acceptance, affection, and appreciation until they meet our expectations and selfish demands? Do those closest to us know we want them, not just need them? The daughter of one of our Hospice patients shared how her mother always made her feel unconditionally loved and accepted, “Mom always told me, ‘You are my horse even if you never win a race.’ ” Do we communicate this attitude to others? If not, let’s ask God to, “Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit (attitude) within me.” (Psalms 51:10)