It’s All Different Now!

Jerry was 55 years old when admitted to Hospice for lung cancer. He worked in heating and air conditioning most of his life. He stated, “I was a picture of health until now. A month ago I was driving.” But now Jerry is as weak as a kitten. He’s oxygen dependent, and homebound. But Jerry seems to have come to grips with his condition. He was offered chemotherapy and radiation but declined, “They told me it would only give me a couple more months. So why be sicker?” He also decided to be a “no code”. He wants no resuscitation of any kind. He stated, “I’m ready either way.” Jerry’s final goals are to share his testimony at church, to be baptized and to make sure his wife will be alright financially, after his death.

Jerry appeared sensitive, emotional as well as very social. His eyes filled with tears several times during my first visit. That’s why I was surprised by his wife’s statement, “He’s not the man he was only a few months ago. He wouldn’t have given you the time of day. He didn’t like visitors and didn’t talk with anybody. He was a loner.” Jerry shook his head in confirmation and then shared the reason for his remarkable transformation, his reformation.

Jerry began, “I was sitting in the chair one day and something just came to me and asked, ‘Well Jerry, do you want to go to Heaven or to hell? Jerry, what are you going to do?’ I struggled with it for over a month. You know, it’s not as easy as just kneeling down and asking to be saved. My wife would be asleep on the couch and I would sneak out to the back bedroom to pray so she wouldn’t see me. But I could tell that it wasn’t working. Then a neighbor, who is a preacher, stopped to visit. He didn’t know if I was going to kick him out of the house or talk with him. Then I called my brother-in-law who is a preacher and he came over and prayed with me. I could feel something in my heart. He knew it too. When it gets a hold of me I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I can’t keep from crying now. I used to leave when the family came to visit, to be by myself. But it’s all different now! Before, I wouldn’t have given you 5 minutes of my time, but now I’m happy when anybody visits. I’ll serve Him regardless; if He keeps me here or takes me home. I’m ready either way. I wouldn’t trade it for anything.”

Jerry’s situation didn’t change, he did. God doesn’t promise to change our circumstances, but to give us His spirit, His grace, which is sufficient. (2 Corinthians 12:7-10) Jerry’s life is a testimony to God’s promise and faithfulness “Therefore, if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things have past away; behold all things have become new.” (2 Corinthians 5:17). Or in Jerry’s words, “It’s all different now.”

And Jerry’s right, “It’s not as easy as just kneeling down and asking to be saved.” I wish it were as easy as just telling someone, “Repeat after me”. But it isn’t because there must be an accompanying hunger and thirst, a sincere recognition and admission of our sinfulness, our need and our inadequacy. Sometimes we have to struggle with it for a while until our hearts assume the right position. When our minds are persuaded before our hearts are won, the result is mere mental ascent, not a true spiritual and attitudinal change. True spirituality isn’t psychological, intellectual or even behavioral; it’s attitudinal and positional. We must go to God spiritually on our knees, in brokenness, surrender and submission. We have to really mean it; “You will search for me and find me when you search for me with a whole heart.” We must cry out to God as King David did in Psalms 61:2; “…when my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I.”

Is your heart overwhelmed right now? If so, I encourage you to look for the Rock that is higher than you. I encourage you to seek Him with your whole heart, for when you find Him, everything will become different on the inside.