This is the last of a three part series about Vannen and his wife Eleanor (read part one or two). Vannen was admitted to hospice because of end stage Parkinson’s disease and Alzheimer’s disease. Excerpts from Eleanor’s weekly reports paint an accurate picture of Vannen’s present condition: “He’s going down hill…I think he’s having seizures…He’s always moving his hands like he’s working on something…like he’s working on cars in his dreams…I could hardly believe he hugged me the other day; it was the first time in a year… He still puckers up for a kiss sometimes…I just realized he doesn’t know who I am anymore. He knows I’m someone close to him but he doesn’t know that I’m his wife…But Vannen is a really good patient. I can’t believe he’s never gotten mean or cross like a lot of Alzheimer’s patients do. I don’t know why.”
I pointed out to Eleanor how she and Vannen had amassed a reservoir of good memories; memories based upon love and service to God and others. I suggested that Vannen, amidst his confusion, may be accessing, reliving and enjoying the memories all over again; the fruits of an unselfish life of spiritual integrity.
Vannen, as a vocational school teacher, taught auto mechanics. But, through the testimonials of his wife, Eleanor, he has been teaching us about true Biblical love. In part one, Vannen’s example demonstrated how love is benevolent or “good willing”; that love is the dedication to the highest good of another, with no strings attached. In part two, we learned that love is “intentional”, not casual or accidental, and means loving and “Living on Purpose”.
Now are you ready for a third attribute of genuine love? I warn you, it’s no less challenging than the first two, and maybe more so. But, in the Apostle Paul’s words, when practiced, it is “a more excellent way”. During one of my recent home visits Eleanor reflected on their marriage: “When Vannen and I would be having a fuss, like married couples do, he would always be the first to say ‘I’m sorry’. He would even say he was sorry when he wasn’t the one who was in the wrong; because he always wanted to get back on good terms as soon as possible.” Eleanor admitted, “I always had a hard time saying ‘I’m sorry’. I don’t know why, I just always did…I may have been a little stubborn…But someone has to make the first move. It always seemed easier for Vannen.”
Charles Finney (1792-1875), a fiery New York preacher during the 1800’s, wrote “The Principles of Love”, in which he describes “meekness” as an attribute of genuine love: “It means a sweet and forbearing temper under provocation…it represents a state of will which is the opposite of resistance to injury or retaliation…Meekness must be an attribute of benevolence (love)…We are naturally forbearing toward those we honestly and diligently seek. If our hearts are set upon doing them good, we will naturally exercise great forbearance (restraint) toward them.” Meekness, as an attribute of love, is the willingness to hold back on punishment or retaliation that someone may even deserve. It means loving someone so much that you are more interested in getting “back on good terms” than you are on getting even or winning. It is the willingness to “make the first move”. But don’t mistake meekness for cowardess or avoidance; for it is always willing to speak “the truth in love”, according to the need of the moment. (Ephesians 4:15)
Well, I’m afraid that Vannen has invaded and spoiled our thinking, don’t you? And I have a feeling that the next time we find ourselves in the middle of an argument, under provocation, that Eleanor’s testimony to Vannen’s love and meekness will find its way back to us. And when it does, let’s make the first move to “get back on good terms as soon as possible.”
“Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends upon you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves…Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:17-21)
I pointed out to Eleanor how she and Vannen had amassed a reservoir of good memories; memories based upon love and service to God and others. I suggested that Vannen, amidst his confusion, may be accessing, reliving and enjoying the memories all over again; the fruits of an unselfish life of spiritual integrity.
Vannen, as a vocational school teacher, taught auto mechanics. But, through the testimonials of his wife, Eleanor, he has been teaching us about true Biblical love. In part one, Vannen’s example demonstrated how love is benevolent or “good willing”; that love is the dedication to the highest good of another, with no strings attached. In part two, we learned that love is “intentional”, not casual or accidental, and means loving and “Living on Purpose”.
Now are you ready for a third attribute of genuine love? I warn you, it’s no less challenging than the first two, and maybe more so. But, in the Apostle Paul’s words, when practiced, it is “a more excellent way”. During one of my recent home visits Eleanor reflected on their marriage: “When Vannen and I would be having a fuss, like married couples do, he would always be the first to say ‘I’m sorry’. He would even say he was sorry when he wasn’t the one who was in the wrong; because he always wanted to get back on good terms as soon as possible.” Eleanor admitted, “I always had a hard time saying ‘I’m sorry’. I don’t know why, I just always did…I may have been a little stubborn…But someone has to make the first move. It always seemed easier for Vannen.”
Charles Finney (1792-1875), a fiery New York preacher during the 1800’s, wrote “The Principles of Love”, in which he describes “meekness” as an attribute of genuine love: “It means a sweet and forbearing temper under provocation…it represents a state of will which is the opposite of resistance to injury or retaliation…Meekness must be an attribute of benevolence (love)…We are naturally forbearing toward those we honestly and diligently seek. If our hearts are set upon doing them good, we will naturally exercise great forbearance (restraint) toward them.” Meekness, as an attribute of love, is the willingness to hold back on punishment or retaliation that someone may even deserve. It means loving someone so much that you are more interested in getting “back on good terms” than you are on getting even or winning. It is the willingness to “make the first move”. But don’t mistake meekness for cowardess or avoidance; for it is always willing to speak “the truth in love”, according to the need of the moment. (Ephesians 4:15)
Well, I’m afraid that Vannen has invaded and spoiled our thinking, don’t you? And I have a feeling that the next time we find ourselves in the middle of an argument, under provocation, that Eleanor’s testimony to Vannen’s love and meekness will find its way back to us. And when it does, let’s make the first move to “get back on good terms as soon as possible.”
“Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. If it is possible, as much as depends upon you, live peaceably with all men. Beloved, do not avenge yourselves…Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:17-21)
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