I've Never Been Withouth Someting to Love

Daisy enrolled in hospice when she was ninety years old. She had been widowed for six years and had been living in the nursing home for about a year. Daisy was born in Kentucky, married when she was fifteen and immediately moved to a farm in Pike County, Ohio with her new husband. Daisy worked as a nurse’s aid and her husband owned and operated a small sawmill.

As part of my initial assessment I asked Daisy, “Do you have any children?” When Daisy answered, “No”, I suspected she read my assumption, because she added, “But I’ve never been without something to love. I’ve always surrounded myself with something to love. I taught Sunday school for years and I baked muffins for the children every Sunday. The children called me “The Muffin Lady”. I loved those little children and they were always on my lap. One day a little boy reached up and pulled on my string of pearls and broke them. The pearls rolled across the floor. I cherished those pearls because my dead husband had bought them for me. One of the ladies asked me, ‘Aren’t you mad?’ I told her, ‘No!’ I don’t have my string of pearls anymore but those little children are my pearls.”

When Daisy moved into the nursing home she again surrounded herself with something to love. She passionately shared, “I like to encourage the old people here. Some of them are so depressed and just sit in their rooms. But I’ve gotten a lot of them out of their rooms and involved in activities.” The nursing home Social Worker applauded Daisy, “Daisy is one of our best therapists.” I feel the need to remind you that Daisy was ninety years old herself.

Daisy eventually became bedfast and was unable to go from room to room to encourage the other residents. So I asked, “Daisy is it hard for you now?” She deliberated for a few seconds and then replied, “No. I have a file of wonderful memories in my mind. And when I start feeling depressed I just pull out one and live it all over again.” A smile, an expression of deep satisfaction and contentment radiated from Daisy’s face.

Most people when they “…walk in the valley of the shadow of death” (Psalm 23:4), look back and evaluate how they’ve spent their lives. They ask themselves, “Did I spend my life, my time my resources on what really matters?” “If I could go back and do it all over again what would I change?” The problem is we only get one time around and in the words of a contemporary country song, “It’s not a do over thing”. So it would behove us to live life on purpose, not casually or passively.

In my seventeen years as a hospice Social Worker I’ve met few patients who have said, “I wouldn’t have changed a thing”. That’s because we’re all imperfect and we all make mistakes. But as Willard, a former hospice patient and fellow pilgrim once told me, “The way I look at it, mistakes are only mistakes until we learn from them, then they become lessons. And life is full of lessons.” Man, isn’t that the truth! I don’t know about you but when I meet Jesus face-to-face I’m not going to ask for what I deserve. I’m going to ask for mercy.

We can’t go back and change the past, but we can choose how to spend our present and future. And I think we can learn a lesson or two from Daisy. Starting today, from this moment on, we can choose to surround ourselves with something to love. We can choose to spend our lives and our resources on those things which really matter, on matters of eternal significance.

I’ll leave you with a sobering line from an old “Dear Abby” column I read several years ago, “I’ve never heard anybody say on their death bed, ‘I wish I’d spent more time at the office’”

"Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6:19-21)

But I Never Lost a Thing

Owen, nicknamed “Deek”, was admitted to hospice at age eighty-two with end stage congestive heart failure. Deek grew up in the small rural town of Beaver, Ohio where he and his older brother, Sandy, were members of “The Pig Turd Alley Gang”. Deek explained, “At least that’s what the old neighbor man, Daddy Schrader, called us. I was ten years old back then and my friend ‘Copperhead’ was sixteen. He was old enough to drive. We hoed corn, moved hay and planted and picked up potatoes for Daddy Schrader. We were like farm hands.”

Faith, Deek’s sister-in-law, pointed to a seventy-two year old picture of “the gang” of five young boys hanging on the wall. The picture reminded me of “Our Gang” from the old television serial. With her characteristic comedic wit and sly grin, Faith pointed out that, “Deek was a runt, but he was a runt with an attitude.”

Deek reflected on his career, “I always worked in management”. Faith added, “I don’t know how, but he always managed to start at the top.” Deek added with a grin, “So, I never had to do a days work in my life.” His last job of thirteen years was as a traveling manager for Bonded Oil convenient marts. He filled in during the managers’ leaves of absence and vacations. He shared how he always left a bouquet of flowers and a thank you card, for the hotel staffs, wherever he stayed, “My Company liked the idea but they told me not to use my own money anymore.”

Deek was proud that his company frequently received complimentary feedback from the stores about how nice he had been to their employees. He stated, “I liked working with people… I’m a lot like Mark Twain, the fellow who said, ‘I’ve never met a man I didn’t like.’” Deek immediately corrected himself, “That wasn’t Mark Twain who said that was it; that was Will Rogers.”

Deek lived most of his adult life in Springfield, Ohio, but after his divorce from a 32 year marriage, he moved in with his sister-in-law, Faith, to help care for his ailing brother. Deek had always been close to his nieces and nephews but after the move he grew even closer. And after his brother’s death, Faith stated, “Deek just stayed on”.

Deek reflected, “I’ve always loved children…A Mexican man and woman were hitchhiking from Columbus to Yellow Springs during sweet corn season…They had three kids with them so I picked them up. When they got in the truck I asked them, ‘What’s that black bucket you have with you?’ They told me they cooked corn in it and that the kids hadn’t eaten anything but corn for two days. So I bought them some bologna and pop.”

Deek continued, “Once when we were at the bus station buying a ticket to Idaho, there was a young fellow wanting a ticket to somewhere down south, but he only had enough money to take him part way…He needed twenty-five dollars, so I paid the rest. I told the girl, ‘Give him a ticket all the way.’” Faith added, “Deek didn’t want him getting off the bus in the middle of the night and having to walk the rest of the way.”

Deek shared a final story, “I heard about a couple down the road that didn’t have any food for their kids so I bought them sixty dollars worth of groceries. When I dropped the groceries off they didn’t say a word; no thanks or anything, but that’s alright. That’s not what I did it for anyway. They’re doing alright now.” And there were the clothes and the diamond earrings Deek bought for the great nieces; the battery operated “Gator” for the young boy next door, and on and on.

Deek evaluated his life, “I could have been a millionaire if I hadn’t listened to my ex-wife. ITT was down to one dollar a share and I had $10,000, but my wife told me not to risk it…I’ve lost three houses and three cars in my divorces…I’ve lost a lot of money but I’ve also given a lot away.” Deek paused, surveyed the gallery of pictures of his great nieces and nephews hanging on his bedroom wall and concluded, “But I never lost a thing”.

I came upon another fitting quote by the late Will Rogers (1879-1935): “Live your life so that whenever you lose, you are ahead.” Or in Jesus words, “…whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.” (Matthew 16:24-26) I think Deek would whole heartedly concur. What about you?